I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Drunk is a universal language darling
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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