I wanna bring you to show and tell
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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