im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
