I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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