I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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