New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
