I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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