Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
