Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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