that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
