Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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