white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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