my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
