I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
