Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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