Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
