I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
