I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
