we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.