Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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