It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
