Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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