I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out