Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
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You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
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i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.