It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This Girlâ€™s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.