at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
