Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Walk of Shame today included voting.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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