that's an acceptable place to lick
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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