This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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