hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
