Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize