Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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