Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
