y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
