that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
