i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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