When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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