I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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