So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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