Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
