I didn't shave. On purpose
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
