I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
