TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
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he laminated a picture of his dick.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
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I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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