Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
