yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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