ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Someone shattered a urinal.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
