i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
