wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
