I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
