Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This show inspires me to have sex in space
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
