Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
