remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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