Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
