I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
