The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
