I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
