Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Someone signed my nipple.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
