I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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