Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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