I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
