i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
