I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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