she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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