Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
