i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
