Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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