i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
