Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
