I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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