are you so shy because you have an std?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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