well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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