You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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