he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
