i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
