she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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