dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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