she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
